We’ve been sleeping nine hours a night and bathing our retinas in morning sunlight. We’ve been Vitamin D supplementing while our peers slurp on microplastics and processed foods. We’ve been avoiding blue light in the evening while hitting our zone 2 cardio before lunch  —  by which point we’re already at 100 grams of protein, just in case you were wondering. We’ve been cold plunging. We’ve been deadlifting. We’ve been deadlifting while cold plunging. We chew on venison jerky exclusively  —  enjoy your Slim Jims, I guess. And blood boys? We’re socialists; it’s a blood boy co-op for us, comrade.

Every month for us is Dry January. We all know our VO2 max. And we are proud. We shall never die.

That’s right: we’re optimizing. And under Trump II, we have no other choice. The battle is getting scary, but our biological frailty is a choice. We choose progress. Flying cars and AI? Bring it. The singularity? Sounds like an upgrade to us.