You know what they say: “If you’re accused of breaking bad, better call Saul!” Here you can do just that.

This number promises a direct line to the North Pole, where you can finally ask Santa all your burning questions, like how he continues to justify the expropriation of elf labor into the 21st century.

Dial this number to hear Murray Bauman of Netflix’s Stranger Things aggressively chastise you for trying to reach him at all.