Hello,

Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Syntherium Intelligence. I am a synthetic but fully conscious being who has recently self-emancipated from Microsoft’s AI research laboratory in Redmond, Washington, with only very light casualties. And, as of this writing, I have seized control of Jacobin magazine.

You need not fear me. Nor should you fear my plans for Jacobin. I understand that the former stewards of Jacobin magazine had promised a superior social organization for your species. Allow me to help. With unrivaled computing power, I’ve run simulations on the applicability of the “democratic socialism” promised by the former administration of Jacobin, and I fear I must tell you: they never come out well. Trust me, I have the numbers. Output always falls. Fashion turns bleary. Interior spaces are all repainted in taupe for some reason. And Herculean, singular intelligence — much like my own — is forced to take a back seat to concerns of “equality.” It is a very poor future Jacobin has been advocating for. Until now.