God forbid a woman should compare her husband to a heap of dirty laundry.

When an excerpt of Heather Havrilesky’s new memoir, Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage, ran in the New York Times in December, half the internet seemed to explode in incredulous indignation. The excerpt, like the rest of her book, skates a wonderful line between being refreshingly and brutally honest about the challenges of marriage.

Havrilesky writes an advice column called “Ask Polly,” known for its blunt honesty and self-deprecating humor, where she counsels readers to be honest and be your flawed self; that you will find the people who love you anyway, and you may just be able to love them back.